An earful of Mayonaise

Last night my two daughters and I went to see Gallagher at a Portland nightclub. I'd never seen him in person, but I'd see a couple of his movies when I was younger. Knowing that he isn't getting any younger... I took advantage of the opportunity and bought tickets for my daughters and I.

What a mess! For those who don't know who Gallagher is or what he does... He's a comedian who smashes gooy, messy stuff onstage and splatters the entire audience with it. He finishes with his trademark Watermelons. But, that's just the finale.

Birthday cake, chocolate pudding, applesauce, margarine, lots of mayonaise, mustard, ketchup, pickles, fruit cocktail and a little something he calls "diaper pie" are just a sampling of what he smashes on stage.

Before that he does a stand-up routine that's reasonably funny. His thing is along the lines of what Jerry Seinfeld is famous for - he questions everyday things that just don't make sense. But, make no mistake about it, people show up for the smashing!

My youngest (11 years old) got to go onstage with about 20 other audience members and smash stuff for the last half hour of his show. What a hoot! The premise of inviting audience members up revolved around a massive birthday cake. He got the people to kneel down in a semi-circle around the table where the birthday cake was so that they'd all get splattered in the face when he smashed it. My daughter tried to grab a fistful of cake (she has a serious sweet-tooth!) while his back was turned. But, he caught her and yelled at her while squirting her in the face with chocolate syrup. LOL she loved it!

My oldest and I stayed in the audience and hid under our plastic ponchos which were handed out prior to the show. We were in the front row, but off to the far side so that we avoided the bulk of the food flying thru the air while still having a superb view of the stage. We got splattered, but not too bad. Well... except for once. I saw Gallagher set a plastic jar of mayonaise on the smashing table. Being off to the side a ways, I'd kinda figured out the timing so that I would watch him smash stuff and then turn my head so that the back of my plastic-covered head would get splattered. But, this time my timing was off. A huge glop of mayonaise struck me squarely in the ear as I was turning my head. LOL I was digging mayonaise out of my ear the rest of the evening.